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beetleginny:thepegosaurus:

Sometimes I just feel inexplicably guilty for all the plants I’ve neglected to death. 

this made me giggle.

  • Gryffindor: Do what is right
  • Ravenclaw: Do what is wise
  • Hufflepuff: Do what is kind
  • Slytherin: PUT A FUCKING BASILISK IN THE CASTLE

plumblesbumbles:

at the pet store like

image

40779

mypandemonium:

Variations on My Neighbor Totoro. All credits can be found here. Additional variations (including Naruto, Dexter’s Laboratory, Star Wars, and more) can also be found here.

197312
166401

dekutree:

dekutree:

i’m crying

i want this video to play on my tombstone 

stuffman:

image

People have written a lot of touchy-feely pieces on this subject but I thought I’d get right to the heart of the matter

“Be proud of your place in the Cosmos. It is small, and yet, it is.”

Cecil Palmer (via moaka)

stiles-stilinsking:

mollyiswideawake:

the-eleventh-blog:

iwanty0ubleeders:

can you imagine

if google just disappeared from the internet 

and then we couldn’t google what happened to it

because google was gone 

image

It took me a good two minutes to work out that that is a picture of a person in a translucent waterslide and not someone trapped in a human test tube in a horror film

this is why we need google

hipster-trichster:

2makeyewsmile:

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can’t do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

that was a wild ride